Most coaches, in the business world, understand the above statement and give their clients exactly what they want, a cheerleader. Somebody that makes them feel better about themselves. Somebody that affirms the goodness in their strengths and gets them to take their eyes off their bad habits, as if not looking will somehow make the problem behavior disappear. This kinda coach makes me sick. The kinda leader that seeks this kinda feedback makes me just as sick. The kinda teammate that gives this kinda feedback makes me sick too. And, the fact is that the world is full of coaches, leaders, and associates that are all playing this game.

The truth is that the higher up you get in whatever system you’re in the more desperately you need information NOT affirmation. And, the less likely you are to even sniff it.

Today, like everyday, I gave one of my clients information he can use. I used few words. I asked him to tell me what he heard and why he thought he was hearing it. I didn’t let him off the hook until he thought his way through it, until it had become his idea. He converted this feedback into his new PA and we parted ways, each of us knowing that the result of our interaction had built us both…

STRONGER.

If you are coaching little kids who are playing soccer for the first time, I highly recommend that you give them a boatload of affirmation and just a little information. Just point them in the right direction and let ‘em kick some grass. It’s just a game, afterall.

Isn’t it sad that most corporate CEO’s are treated by you and me as if they’re little kids who can’t handle the truth. We affirm our leaders, not to protect their fragile psyches, quite the contrary, to protect our own. All the affirmation in the world, won’t change the facts facing your industry, facing your company, and facing you.

Give your leaders some information they can use. Tell them something they can’t see from their perch, but you see with clarity from your position. And, leaders stop asking folks questions that lead to affirmation. Ask them tough questions, in safe environments, that prime them to tell you the truth. This kinda information exchange will make you both…

STRONGER.

Every team could use another truth teller, truth hearer, and true performer in your position. We certainly don’t need another cheerleader…

I was instantly all ears.

“Dingy,” she began kinda sheepishly, “guess what?” Before I had time to reply, out she blurts three little words all laced with pure joy…

“I sawed it!”

You did what, was my first response, not knowing if I had heard her correctly and NOT quite believeing it if I had. She repeated herself, “I sawed it, Dingy.” A smile creased my face as soon as my brain finally registered what she was saying. My Krits had completed a “saw,” one of the toughest motions to master on the TRX. I remembered just one month ago when I showed her this exercise in the 3PP and she crumpled to the floor in pure pain and agony. “No way Dingy,” she told me at the time, exasperated at the thought of even trying.

Here it was, only 30 days later and she’s calling me to tell me about her triumph. Why had she been able to “saw it” after only 30 days?

Krits embraced the acute pain and kept trying. This seems like a perfect example of principle number 5 from my last rant. Do you see it? Moving on…

Krits kept building her core and building up to the big, bad saw. Now she’s sawing it and soon she’ll be a master sawer. Very cool. Here’s the coolest part, however. She told me that she is also running again and her hip doesn’t hurt. You see she inherited my genetically weak hips and has stopped “running it” because of chronic hip pain. She’s been to all kinda doctors and nothing seemed to alleviate the pain. Stopping the run, run seemed the only solution.

Not anymore.

Krits embraced the acute pain of building her core and now the chronic pain in her hips, has been sent packing. She’s not only “sawin’ it,” she’s runnin’ it too.

Way to go, Krits. I am happy for Y.O.U.!

The root reason for regression is that we’ve forgotten the evolutionary rules that regulate and promote progress. Here are a few of the evolutionary principles, by way of reminder.

1. Build your ability to resist impulse. Excellence requires that you regulate yourself and don’t simply do whatever “feels good.”

2. Build yourself and others to adapt to strength rather than placate the weak.

3. Build yourself and your team to respond to challenge by adding capacity, period. The weak build excuses.

4. Build a long view for the growth process. Stop the quick fix mentality. Quick fixes don’t work in the long run.

5. Build your ability to tolerate acute pain. Only the strong survive doesn’t tell the story. Only the strong develop a tolerance for more and more acute pain. And, move away from accepting chronic pain as a way of life.

6. Build your focus on the future, accept your present moment, learn from your past, and develop the discipline of PA to move you forward.

Today, I rooted one of my clients out of victimhood by reminding him of principle number 5 by asking him a bunch of “why” questions and getting to the root. Remember, you are meant to evolve. You can’t progress by standing still or, worse yet, by regressing. Don’t use the economy, your situation, your boss, or anything else as your reason for staying in the Shire.

Forward is your only option.

Go…

There is a root cause, however, and it’s a big and deep one. The root cause for why there are so few exceptional teams is simply because there are few exceptional leaders. Collective excellence has it’s genesis in individuals first. And exceptional individual contributors don’t last long working for mediocre managers. They just don’t.

Want a better team? Become a better leader, period.

Yesterday I hit one of my clients with a cold, hard fact. He isn’t as good as he thinks he is. He is NOT holding his teammates to a high performance bar because he’s afraid of how they’ll respond.

Today, I met one of my clients teammates that had been hit really hard by my client. He had been put on a written performance improvement plan. He had been given 90 days to turn his performance up to the very specific performance bar, or be gone. Today, my client shook this teammates hand and congratulated him on turning his performance around. I listened to the exchange between them and there was genuine respect and gratitude in both directions. My client was deepening his belief, as was his teammate.

Leading any team requires a minaical (nutcase) leader that is full of LOVE and filled with durable disciplines. Few have either one. Very few possess deep reservoirs of both. Fewer still possess both and keep perspective. The only way to do that is to build your CORE alongside your humility.

Want a better team? Become a better leader, and notice how far you still have to go, not how far you’ve come. And, don’t lose heart as you honestly look within for your next “performance improvement project.” This is why high performance is only for the few. Few want to work hard enough to build excellence within. Few understand that you can’t build in another what you don’t have yourself. Few keep perspective when they do.

Don’t STOP when you get ahead. Instead, act like you’re behind…

Actually babies are born to experience stress. You see the word stress, coined by Hans Selye back in the 1950′s, is neutral. Stress is simply something that challenges and produces growth. We all have different stress levels that are optimal for us. We have to learn our own, and learn how to “level up” if we want to keep growing. Funny, huh.

Too much challenge and too little capacity produce what is properly termed, distress. Too much of this, overtime, leads to hyper-stress. Hyper-stress leads to all kinda problems and usually excites some kinda explosion. This does not lead to high performance in the long run.

Too much capacity and too little challenge produce boredom. Boredom, overtime, leads to disillusion, de-energizing, and usually ends in some kinda depression. This aint the one you want either.

Eustress is just the right amount of challenge and just the right amount of capacity that produces the growth we’re all after. This is not a static state. This is mostly under your control. And, this will require you to know yourself, and know how to manage your mind. It just will.

Today, I reminded one of my clients that they have a clear OPUS and a clear problem too. They haven’t connected their team to theirs and are beginning to lose hope that they ever will. The reality is that they are building their capacity toward this end. Very good. The problem is that they’ve challenged themselves to accomplish this task in too short a window of time. The challenge is beyond their capacity.

I reminded my client to remember what it is like to watch our babies respond to the stress of not being mobile. They don’t come out of the womb sprinting. Slowly, every child learns to crawl, walk, and run. This is always the order. This is why, at BTL, we emphasize taking “baby steps” of productive action to move yourself forward. Today, my client chose a baby step.

Distress took a dive.

Want to build your performance?

Manage your stress. Do not wait for someone else to do it. Build your capacity alongside your challenge. Push yourself outside your comfort zone into your challenge zone and occassionally into the “panic zone.” You can’t find the edge without tripping up once in awhile.

And, when you land on your bump, just remember that it only hurts for awhile. Dust yourself off, hold onto the “coffee table” just a bit longer and then go for it again.

Go…

Here’s the actual title that William put to his book. He titled it, A Practical View of the Prevailing Religious System of Professed Christians in the Higher and Middle Classes in this Country Contrasted with Real Christianity.

His title was scandalous to the established systems of his day and from the first page till the 275th and final one, he challenges his constituents without compromise.

William deeply changed his world because he knew what he believed, he fought with alignment, and he didn’t worry about his applause in Parliament or his electibility back home. He fought for the freedom of those that could not read his book, could not fund his campaign, and couldn’t possibly repay his effort. He fought, ultimately, for an audience of ONE.

Leaders are believers. Leaders beliefs inspire. Leaders believe in something bigger than themselves. Leaders are connectors too.

Thanks William for modeling the way, embracing pain and suffering, and embodying truth in LOVE.

What leaders are you studying?

Are you studying you? Are you becoming more believable? Are you fighting for your beliefs?

What would we learn from studying you and your leadership?

The setting was LaCrosse, Kansas in the middle of the depression and the dust bowl.  Everybody was hurting in this tiny town.  As Bryce Logan let the screen door shut behind him, he kept his eyes pointed west and didn’t bother to look back.  His wife would offer her CCD best and chase him with the words, “BRYCE, don’t go.”  Huddled behind Anna were her two children age 10 and 5.

Speechless…

Last friday Marie Logan Scott, my mom, recalled this story and the dad that abandoned her at the tender age of 5.  Mom’s 86 now, and remembers this wound as if  it just happened.  She was putting her makeup on as she spoke and she told me that she takes her time getting ready because she wants to look better on the outside then she feels on the inside.  My heart hurt hearing her recall her pain.

My mom is super strong and wouldn’t want you to feel sorry for her.  She is a stubborn and giving German that doesn’t often let anybody see her sad side.  She has lived alone for 15 years in the home she shared with Dad until cancer ripped him from her.  She had both knees replaced last year and rehabbed them like a banchee so she doesn’t need a cane or a wheelchair.  She has migrains and all kinda aches and pains.  None of them compare to the scar tissue from the wound that just won’t heal.

Today, somebody is thinking of leaving those that they love because it would be easier to turn your back and let the screen door hit your backside.  Before you quit, before you walk on, before you leave them behind, do me a favor…

Turn around and remember that the pain you are about to run from has a home and unlike you, they got nowhere to go.  Think about the deep, lasting 81 year scar you are heaving on a llittle one.    Close your eyes.  Ask God for help.  And, turn toward your pain, own your piece, and model the way.  The next generation thanks you.

Thanks Mom for giving me the gift you never really received.  Thanks, Mom.

And, God help me pass it on…

Piper referenced Wilberforce’s book in his, and being the nutcase that I am, that was all it took. I’m now just past the midpoint of Wilberforce’s book, A practical view of Christianity.

Remember, William was a politician. He wrote this book in 1797 and was in the middle of his huge struggle to abolish the slave trade. His advisors told him not to author this book and warned him of the political pitfalls. They feared that his readers would not approve, not applaud and that his efforts toward abolishing slavery would be damaged. He published, anyway.

This past week a client asked me to tell him more about my relationship with God and how to build his deeper. We talked at length about prayer, studying the scriptures, hanging with other believers, and using your talents, time, and treasures to serve those less fortunate. It was a great invitation and a wholly inadequate answer, but it was the best I had.

Here is how William challenged his readers to build their character and their relationship with God. This is right out of his book on page 76 and you will notice that he is only writing to his readers that share his belief in God. He is calling out, if you will, only his fellow believers.

“Let us then each for himself solemnly ask ourselves, whether we have fled for refuge to the appointed hope? And whether we are habitually looking to it, as to the only source of consolation? Other foundation can no man lay; there is no other ground of dependence, no other plea for pardon; but here there is hope, evenn to the uttermost. Let us labor then to affect our hearts with a deep conviction of our need of a Redeemer, and of the value of his offered mediation. Let us fall down humbly before the throne of God, imploring pity and pardon in the name of the Son of his love…With this view let us labor assiduously to increase in knowledge, that our’s may be a deeply rooted and rational affection. By frequent meditation on the incidents of our Savior’s life, and still more on the astonishing circumstances of his death; by often calling to mind the state from which he proposes to rescue us, and the glories of his heavenly kingdom; by continual intercourse with him of prayer and praise, of dependence and confidence in dangers, of hope and joy in our brighter hours, let us endeavor to keep him constantly present in our minds, and to render all our conceptions of him more distinct, lively, and intelligent. The title of Christian is a reprach to us, if we estrange ourselves from Him after whom we are denominated.”

Now that’s what you call answering the question. CCD with respect, yes. Politically correct, no. This is what he believes and his audience knows it.

What do you believe?  What audience do you play for?

God, help me live aligned with my beliefs. God, help me…

They did what most teams do. They played “nice,” not me. After I let this go for a few minutes, I interrupted them and asked them what they had learned about building the boss vs. building a peer. They didn’t recognize what I wanted them to until I further primed them. Eventually they got it and one of them acknowledged that they had gone easier because they didn’t want to be “mean.”

Here’s a major rub. You will not help another gain clarity by holding back and trying to say things the right way. You will sound like too many words that are trying to sound good without being hurtful. You will sound like a politician. The person you are trying to help won’t understand what you’re sending. Instead, try this…

Next time you are asked to help another gain some clarity, study your heart first. Make sure you aren’t harboring ANGER aimed at them. Make sure that you see them, instead, as another human being that you want to help.

Once your confident that your heart is right, trust it and speak CCD (Clear, concise, and direct) always with respect. Like Jenny, this won’t be sent from a mean heart and most likely won’t be received as such either. Your boss, your bride, your buddy, your best friend, and your receivers will react like FD did, most likely.

They will thank you and tell you that was “meaningful.”

All of us requires the help of truth tellers to build the best version of ourselves possible. None of us gets there alone. Your holding back is what’s really mean. Would you hold back information that might help your child achieve the pinnacle of their potential? Would you wait “till the time was right” or wade in now trusting that your motives and their need were aligned enough?

Your leader operates mostly in an information vacuum. The higher you rise in any system, the larger the vacuum. Meaningful feedback is needed. What are you waiting for…

Go.

This morning, I woke up early and sat down to read and write. I decided to write about my CORE and my OPUS. I rinsed both. The “about” button at the top of the blog contains the Overarching vision and purpose of my opus. The “O&P,” if you will. This rinse feels clearer and more authentic.

Next I rewrote my identity statements. This can be found by clicking on my name at the top of the blog. This too feels like it is closer to the mark. For me…

Which brings me to this. Your job, if you want to become BTL, is to author your OPUS, your CORE, and overtime and through all kinda struggles, productively act your way forward. In essence that is all that I am doing. I am authoring my life. I want you to do the same. I want to be a catalyst for your great work.

Y.O.U., however, have to do the REAL, HARD, WORK.

I hope that this writing about my struggles and victories and the struggles and victories of my family, friends, and clients inspires you toward the aim of authoring your great work and life. There are no shortcuts and most of this climb is vertical and painful. Simple, paint by numbers kinda art is not what we’re after. Your opus, your masterpiece if you will, is gonna take some time. I hope that my writing here contributes to your clarity. If it doesn’t, it’s just more noise and you don’t need more of that.

Give and take care, my friend.

Give and take care…