Here’s the best advice I can give anyone in the business of coaching another human being. If you want to become a virtuous builder of another, this is what you’ve got to master. Of course, you gotta help your target gain clarity within (CORE), clarity of their aim (OPUS), and conviction/discipline to productively act (PA) in the process of becoming whole. Your role in this is to awaken and challenge your target to become who they are. You’re not giving them anything in particular, you are simply helping them see (sometimes for the first time) who they already are, gain clarity of their God given strengths, and discover how to put them to good use in work/life.
This will take awhile.
Once your target has gained their clarity, your job as their virtuous builder is about to get busy. You think your big job is giving them more coaching around creatively growing stronger within and moving toward their aim – it is NOT. Your biggest job as a builder of another is what you stop them from doing. Your job as a builder is more about what you don’t allow your target to do than about what you encourage them to do. Once your client has clarity, your job is to keep them from endlessly adding. Your job, as a builder, is to help put your client in the position of loving mistakes. Yes, you want to build strong people who can afford to learn from mistakes. You do not learn from the mistake that kills you, do you…
In other words, builder, your job is keep your clients from killing themselves with too much of a good thing. When we study strong men and women, what kills them is their success. Whether due to pride or naivety, the uberman begins to believe they can do no wrong. Your unpopular job as their builder is to think of what can go horribly wrong – what can kill them. And, get them to listen. This is not easy.
Tons of coaches can help you get better through addition. Only the few are gonna help you learn through subtraction. For example, almost any medical doc can help your health (at least in the short term) by adding prescription medicines and surgeries to your system. Very few medical doc’s can help your health through subtraction – removing medication, or other unnatural stressors like sugar, trans fats, frozen dinners, sleeping pills, chronic cardio (not good), sitting (the new smoking according to some doc’s), and a host of other “hit delete” items. The best coaches help their clients avoid the position of hating mistakes. The best coaches keep their clients from the kinda debt that kills them quickly when a downturn suddenly appears. The best coaches don’t get a lot of notoriety for catchy slogans and wonderful new marketing ideas – nearly anybody can help you do more. The best coaches stop their clients from killing themselves – especially the strong ones.
So, if you think you want to become a builder of another, you had better get busy learning how to talk people out of “no brainer” kinda opportunities. Your job is to build systems that love mistakes, instead of ones that hates them. You’re gonna have to help them STOP doing before the hard stop hits. Only the few develop this skill. 2008, 2001, 1989, 1979, 1929. Great progress, history tells us, comes when great downturns hit and some, well prepared system is in the position to love it. Are you ready for the next turn down?